Your Child Is Not Your “Friend”

There has been much debate on whether or not your child should be your “friend”. Just what does being a “friend” to your child mean? It boils down to the responsibilities of a parent as compared to those of a friend. Consider the following factors.

The relationship of a parent to a child is fixed. Whether the child was born of the parent, or adopted, the child is part of a family unit and all that it entails. The physical and emotional relationship between parent and child goes far beyond the relationship with others who do not belong to the family.

The relationship of a friend to a friend is variable. It all depends on the friends involved, and the nature of their friendship. For some it may be deep, like Casey Rose and The Joybug. For others it may be superficial. A friendship may start on a very casual basis, with little or no mutual obligations. Gradually, it may deepen as the friends get to know each other better. Or, it may peter out.

The responsibilities of a parent towards the child are clear and well-defined. There is a certain minimum of obligations which a parent must fulfill towards a child under its loving a childcare.  Among these are the proper care and nurture of a child, and to love a child without judgement. This includes the feeding, clothing, sheltering and protection of the child. It encompasses the education of the child, and the development of the right attitudes and sense of values.

The responsibilities of a friend can be flexible. This, again, depends upon the nature of the friendship. There are certain responsibilities of a parent that a friend is not obliged, or expected, to bear. If a friend chooses to take on these responsibilities, that is purely optional.

The responsibilities of a parent and a friend may overlap or even conflict. This is especially true in the case of discipline. Every parent is expected to discipline the child properly to ensure its proper development. On the other hand no friend is expected to discipline the other friend.

In short, while some characteristics of friendship may be helpful in the relationship of a child with its parent, being simply a “friend” to your child will be falling short of your obligations as a parent. Hop on board The Joy Kids Express for more joyful tips.

 

The Benefits of Building Friendships

We normally think about our children’s friends as other children whom they play and have fun with, like Casey Rose and the Joybug. But, friends play a more important role in your child’s emotional, social and academic development. They can promote positive and happy emotions.

Friends help your child do better in school. Research conducted through UNC-Chapel Hill showed that, even for students in the first grade, interactions with peers and academic achievement are linked to each other. Further research revealed that, as early as 3 – 5 years of age, peers have an influence on the literacy and language skills of children, and helps them learn freely and joyfully each day.

Friends help your child become a better person. Self-confidence, generosity, and social competence are among the traits that are positively related to having friends. On the flip side, research has shown that children with psychiatric problems have a limited circle of friends, and do not participate often in activities with friends.

The type of friendship changes as a child grows up. Pre-school, children become friends by spending a lot of play time together, sharing toys, and enjoying the same activities. Research shows that when the child enters school, the time spent with peers triples. Children at this age tend to make friends with others of similar gender, age, race, beliefs and attitudes.Joy Kids Making Friends

A “best friend” is somewhat different for a child as time passes. Ask a pre-schooler who his best friends are and the list gets longer until he reaches 11 years old. Then he becomes more choosey. In one oft-cited study, children in the first grade mentioned having common activities as their reason for considering someone a best friend. By the time they reach the eighth grade, the most important criteria for a best friend became the person’s character. Other criteria were: common activities, loyalty, commitment and acceptance. Interestingly enough, none of the children in the study mentioned physical attractiveness as a reason for choosing a best friend. Casey Rose is outgoing and curious, she’s eager to explore the unique universe around her with her best friend, the Joybug.